


I`m in Love with My Own Sins

by Mr0Benzedrine



Series: Sandman/Benzedrine/ Bandom mess [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: From an old story, M/M, Mr Sandman Bring Me a Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr0Benzedrine/pseuds/Mr0Benzedrine
Summary: Just the plot from the other Story. Mr. Sandman Bring me a Dream





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Mr. Sandman bring me a dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283746) by [Mr0Benzedrine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mr0Benzedrine/pseuds/Mr0Benzedrine). 



PATRICK`S POV-

      Tonight was like any other night. My hands shook, I was nervous. Sure, not the first Soul Punk show, maybe the last. The Met. It was a decent venue. Good. I ran back over the set list, mussing with my hair once more. “Alright….” I smiled at the band, nodding at them slightly. “Alright. Let`s do this.” I saw them file out, hearing ‘ _Allie_ ’ blaring. Much later in the performance I was sweating, panting, but nevertheless pumped with adrenaline. I`d need it for the next song. I walked to get water before jogging over to the mic.

_“Clap if you got a ticket to the end of the world, world, world, world, wo-or-ld Clap if you got a ticket to the world, world, world, world, wo-or-ld!”_

I began clapping, moving in place, smiling as I heard the crowd sing with me. I swung to the beat, my left hand in my pocket whenever I wasn`t moving it.

_“It was his last day on the force, he was going through divorce, He was a living breathing action screenplay cliche. They said that they found it in the basement, Enough to blow the roof to the pavement And he was the man for the job A one man bomb squad A middle age mess thinking-”_

I put my hand to my chest, catching a breath before jumping, ‘dancing’ in place with little jumps to accentuate the energy.

_“I feel like I`m going to Explode! Any moment I`m ready to blow! I can`t Stand it! I get so worried, I get so low. But if I`m never your hero I can never let you down! And the Sirens go ‘Oh ah Oh ah’!”_

Clapping to the beat as I sang, I went back to swaying. This was the easier part.

_“Their hopes on him they hung, And they weighed him like a ton. But perhaps for him he had none much to loose.”_

I moved my right hand as a crank, “Ooh ah ooh’ wiping the sweat from my forehead I began the next verse. _“_

 _Tony don`t sweat it, “_ I began shaking my hand quickly, looking out at the crowd. _“_

_Keep your hand steady. You were born on a dare but you were born ready.”_

I moved my fingers like scissors.

 _“Cut the red wire or was that the green wire you`re on fire like-”_ I moved my arm to mimic the four of six ticks. Mentally counting. **“One two three four.”** I snapped my fingers, but paused. The ticks kept coming. The band slowly stopped with me, sharing my confusion. I nervously laughed. “H-hey tech come on this is funny and all but not really….” I saw the crowd began to look scared, panicked. The ticks kept coming. “Oh god this can`t be what I think it is… There`s people here!” I rushed out the next few words, my head blurring. “Everybody get out! This isn`t a joke there`s a bomb!” I began to look around me, hearing the ticking coming from under me. I saw the band look at me, concerned and worried. “Go on, get help!” They nodded, running out through the backstage. I gulped, and reached for my phone. I never left it off me. I dialed my mom, calling her. “Mom I don`t have much time. I wish I did but I gotta call other people. I love you mom. Thanks for supporting me, not giving up when we disbanded…. You`re an awesome mom. I gotta go though… bye.” I dialed dad and Megan and Kevin, telling them all my feelings and that I loved them. I really did. I finally called Andy, then Joe. I told them I was sorry for holding us back, that I was under a lot of stress in the moment and that they were amazing friends. I hesitated on the last number under my thumb. It had been a bit. We hadn`t talked since the hiatus. I let out a deep breath, calling. “Hello?’’ I bit back the nauseating feeling. “Pete…. I-I`m…” I was shaking. I heard fabric ruffling. “Patrick you okay? What`s happening?” I bit back the feeling in my throat. “I-I`m standing on a bomb…. Pete someone rigged my show tonight… I`m going to die…..” I was already feeling lightheaded. “Lunchbox, Patrick no you`re not I promise you. Just stay there. Don`t move, let help have some time.” I began shaking my head. The ticks seemed so loud now… Pete`s voice was getting so quiet. “It`s a timer Pete. No matter what I`ll die. Pete…. Talk to me please... “ I heard him searching for something. “Patrick. Remember our van? How hot it was in there, how you`d sleep with earplugs in? How I had to beg Joe`s parents to get him to join?” I nodded, but remembered he couldn`t see me. “Y-yeah…” I felt something on my hand. Tears. I was crying. “Remember how we crashed. We all thought we were going to die. I still have the scar….” I nodded at Pete`s words. I saw it. “Remember piss roulette? The big spider…” I hiccuped, and hummed and nodded. “Easters at my old circle house….. Star wars…” I added in and he nodded. “Yeah buddy.” I froze at hearing a buzzer, and then…...

Nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Pete`s POV-

I was frozen. All I could hear was a loud boom deafen Patrick`s hiccuping breaths than crackling. “Patrick, Patrick!” I sat up in bed, getting out and dressing as quick as I could without falling. Rushing out to my car I was ready to get there as fast as I could, tuning my radio. It was on the Deluxe CD of Soul Punk I got from Patrick. _“Clap if you've got a ticket to the end of the world Clap if you've got a ticket to the end of the world~”_ I shut it off. Fuck music than. I drove to the nearest airport I could find and got the fastest flight. The whole ride there I checked my phone over and over again. It was on airplane mode so I couldn`t do anything to contact him. I was just sitting there, hoping. _‘He may have gotten off the thing somehow, like, he`s a decently fast runner. Fuck he can be quick on short distances. Maybe he`s alright. Oh god what if he actually IS gone-’_ I shook my head, trying to calm down. No. He had to be alive.

Seven hours later and I booked the first taxi I could see and headed to the Met. The driver looked at me, startled and confused. “Kid you just get here or haven`t heard the news? Met blew up.” I nodded, starting to feel anxious, sick. ‘I-I know m-my friend was there. H-He`s a performer a-and-” The Driver seemed surprised, then slowly nodded, driving. “So was he there tonight? About to go on stage..?” I wished I could sink into the slightly uncomfortable seats and get away from the questions… I shook my head. “N-no um…. He was the, the main act…. Patrick Stump.” I cringed at my use of the word Was. He wasn`t dead yet. Not that I knew of. I was too scared to turn my phone back off airplane mode. I heard the driver suck in a breath. “Oh geeze man… Sorry... Well, here we are. Just go on ahead.” I still handed money his way and rushed out of the taxi. There were firemen, search and rescue, and police already clearing up the last bit of the scene. Reporters swarmed the place. I tried to get closer, hoping to see some sign of the bleach blonde. A gurney, sling, anything. A policeman held me from getting too close. “Sir you need to step back please this is a dangerous area.” I looked around wildly before actually focusing on him. “Please tell me Patrick Stump made it out. Please he`s my best friend and he was playing here and I need to know he`s okay he called me about a bomb about seven or eight hours ago and please.. Tell me he got out.” The policeman called over a man, and moved me a bit his way. “Captain T. Guner. What do you mean you got a call from the performer tonight?” I took my phone off airplane mode, and was greeted with dozens of notifications and texts from Joe and Andy.

_From: Joe- 5:20 pm- “Hey man, I heard about what just happened? Is he okay?”_

_From: Andy- 5:30 pm- “Pete? Joe told me that you aren`t answering what happened? Joe told me the Met was blown up. Do you know if Patrick`s okay? Please tell me he is.”_

_From: Joe- 6:00 pm- “Pete answer me please are YOU okay now? Please please answer me.”_

_From: Joe- 6:20 pm- “Pete! God damn it! Are you alright?! I`m coming over.”_

_From: Joe- 7:40 pm- “Pete you`re not home, did you go there? Oh god Pete.”_

_From: Andy- 11:00 pm- “We heard the news...I`m sorry Pete.”_

I froze at the last text, and saw my twitter filled with the same few links and apologies. I went to my call log and showed the man, who nodded, taking my phone. He pressed a few things and my phone was put to his ear. A few search party dogs ran to a pile near the middle, scratching and whining. Patrick`s phone. Before I could be stopped I rush out, and began pulling away layers of rubble. _‘Come on, come on!’_ I smiled once I saw his hand, and dug even faster, people helping me. “Patrick please!” I finally found him. I smiled, and looked at him. “We need to get medics here immediately!” I was moved away so medics could get Patrick. They checked his pulse. A few seemed worried and pressed faster to get him to the ambulance.


	3. Chapter 3

      The ride to the hospital was a blur to me. I was just staring at his body. His hair was singed, and his face was burned, but now wrapped up. His hand was twitching, probably from the shot nerves. I wanted to grab it so bad, to be there and comfort him. “Sir lean back.” I did as I was asked, pretty sure I`d get kicked closer to the front if I didn`t listen. He was still in one piece, his back was the worst of it though.

   I stayed by his side as much as I could in the hospital, even learning from the nurses. This included changing his bandages, cleaning the bits of skin that I could, and just being a bed nurse for the day. I hadn`t brought my medication, much less more clothes, so I was an effective night guard as well. _‘Not awake, but alive. Keep on kicking Lunchbox.’_ I wrote, drawing a dumb little smile next to it. I had already wrote his blood pressure and normal things, so the note was a nice touch in case he did wake up. Signing it, I simple wrote ‘Pete’. The real nurse, Mary, would check my records over in a few minutes, so for now I checked twitter, keeping the fans and family and friends updated on as much as I could.

      Patrick took a deeper breath than normal around midnight one night. I looked up, seeing nothing but a sleeping Patrick. Looking back down I went back to texting goodnight to Bronx and Ashlee. A raspy, sudden groan echoed in the silence of the room. The heart monitor was bit faster now, beeping a steady awake heartbeat. Lunchbox, Pattycakes… he was alive and waking up.


	4. Chapter 4

      Once the nurses got him stabilized I was able to slowly remove the gauze covering up the grafts already done to his face. He wasn`t exactly the same, but he was pretty close to the old him. I knew the graphs were a bit tanner than he used to be, and lips a bit to thin, but the face was Patrick. His new eyes looked up at me, they were a soft cornflower blue now. They`d take me some time to get used to seeing. “You`re a very very lucky man Mr. Stump..” The nurse patted my arm. “If Pete didn`t show up, we probably wouldn`t have been able to find you in time. He`s also barely left your side.” I watched Patrick`s eyes slowly roam the hospital room, stopping to read the chart in the corner of the room. I smiled once I saw his lip twitch. “Your nerves are slowly repairing themselves Mr. Stump, and we feel you'll make a decent enough recovery in a little over five months.”

      Five months. In that time we found his vocal chords were so damaged he`d never be able to get anything above groans, and that he`d never be able to talk again. I was the one to tell Patrick. To my surprise, he didn`t seem too upset. Over the course of time it took to get him writing again he told me why. ‘I was never a singer Pete.’ was the first thing he wrote, the letters messy and akin to something Bronx would write on his drawings. I nodded, and once allowed I brought in a guitar for him to play on. That was when he was excelling faster. He couldn`t stop playing the guitar for the next few hours, blending together songs all the way from his old High school bands to Soul Punk. I would listen the whole way, singing the ones I could recognize and humming to the ones I didn`t. Patrick smiled that day, the first real one, not the ones his nerves forced out. I only knew cause once he got a marker he sloppily and quickly wrote over and over “I`m alive I`m alive Pete holy smokes I can do it can`t I?” I read over that paper every day. We both did. Month four the doctors wanted to get him out of bed. “Come on Patrick… remember the paper.” He nodded, wrapping an arm around me, gripping my shoulder. Sitting him up I set his feet on the left of the bed. I slowly pulled him out of the bed, letting him grip onto my shoulder, hugging him once he lurched forward with gravity. “Whoa Pattycakes you`re okay you`re okay. I got you. Promise.” he let out a soft hum, something he`d normally do. “Yeah.” I hummed back, and he rested his head on me. “Um… Mr. Stump has visitors… Quite a few actually..” I looked at Patrick, who seemed confused. “You can let them in.” The nurse left, and came back with David, Patricia, Megan, Kevin, Joe and Andy. “Hey baby…” Patricia came by first. “How are you?” Patrick smiled, opening his mouth, than seemed startled, closing it.

      I slowly sat him up on the bed, and looked at all of them. “Is he alright?” David, Patrick`s father, asked me. “He um… he can`t talk anymore.. They couldn`t fix his vocal chords. So he`s mute…. He can write and hum, so we`ve been learning ways to kinda talk to each other…” I put my hand on his shoulder, humming a soft, comforting tune. He hummed a sharper, sadder tune back. “Patrick we just… we didn`t know… We`re sorry honey. “Patricia came close, sitting with us on the bed, hugging Patrick tightly. Kissing his temples I saw Patrick look around the room, at everyone smiling, happy he was there and happy he was alive. He slowly smiled back, his lovely pearly teeth shining past lipstick pinked lips. “Are you wearing lipstick Ricky?” Kevin came over, tousling the short, mousey brown hair. Patrick moved away, blushing in embarrassment. “I think it`s cute on him. Nice shade…” Megan interrupted in, going over and hugging Patrick close to her. “Yeah man. Actually, where is it?” Jpe went into the bathroom, coming back with the thin tube of lipstick. “Innocence?” Andy smiled at that. ‘Pete picked the shade…” Patrick wrote, blushing worse. “Yeah, but it works doesn`t it?” I said, kissing his temple gently. He slowly nodded. “I`ll leave you guys to talk, I got to talk to the nurse about lunch today and I`m gonna get something from the vending machines downstairs.” I left, letting the family talk the best they could. As I left the elevator and walked to the vending machine I realized how quiet it was down there. Not even the elevator made noise as it closed. “Odd.” i found myself thinking, and proceeded down the hall. Once I got there i saw a strange man standing there, staring at the glass. ‘He`s probably thinking or whatever…’ I shrugged off any creepy feeling, taking the time to lean against the wall, grabbing out some cash. Once I looked up the man was looking at me. I jumped, making him smile. “Um… excuse me..” I went closer to the machine, and the man took a long step back. As I put the money in the machine I took a good look at the guy. He was dressed up like a ringleader at a circus met with a conductor in marching band clothes. His hair was short and curly, mostly covered by a black conductors hat. He had a handlebar mustache and unnaturally pink lips. He was pretty tall, taller then me at least. He looked familiar. “Hello!” His accent was hard to place, but thick on his light voice. “Hey.” I waved, confused. “Your friend is here isn`t he?” The man leaned down some, his eyes an outlandish slur of sickly yellow and green. “Y-yeah… been here for awhile.” I moved back some, pressing the buttons. “I`m truly sorry.” The man`s tone was cheery, and sounded very insincere. I nodded at the apology anyway. As I grabbed up the snacks the man suddenly had my arm. “What the fuck?” I said, startled by the movement. I looked around, seeing nothing. _“Peter…”_ The voice was deeper, but not far from the cheery tone. _“He won`t live long you know…”_ I shook my head. The doctors said he could go home soon, that he`d be okay, we`d be okay. _“You know it, and so do I. You want him to be oh so badly don`t you?”_ The man smiled, the grin too wide for a normal human. _“Well, I have something that`ll help…”_ The man slipped something into my hand, it was cold. I shivered, looking down at it. The vial was filled with some sort of ooze. It was a vibrant green with yellow highlights. It made me sick looking at it. _“Give him and all your friends just a quarter. Enough for all four of you.”_ The man purred, and I found myself nodding, a closing feeling pressed my chest and throat, making me scared to speak out loud. Just like that, the man was gone, and a nurse was in front of me. “Mr. Wentz? Sir?” I was heaving, trying to breathe. “Wha….?” I looked around. “You had a mild panic attack sir.” the nurse rubbed my back. I nodded, and slowly stood, hearing clinking in my hoodie pocket. I grabbed up my snacks and went back to seeing Patricia and the Stumps leaving. I said bye, and walked into the room. I sat with patrick, burying my face as best I could in the thinner neck. Even now, after loosing weight, being blow up and put back together with tiny kiss stitches, Patrick was still himself. He was a voice of gold, a canary in a coalmine, and all the toxins of the world silenced his song, now those same toxins were going to take him from here in time. All I could think of was I now understood why Patrick didn`t believe in God.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also shout out to http://archiveofourown.org/users/slothlover42/pseuds/slothlover42 for being an awesome reader on these. I know I`m not that good of a writer but I appreciate you.

Patrick`s pov:

      Pete was my translator, my nurse, and when I was allowed to go home, my grounded roommate. Anytime I wanted to give up, Pete would pick me up and bring me back to what we were trying. Today it was swimming at a local physical therapy clinic. Pete had already dressed me in a baggy tee and some swimming trunks, while he`d get changed at the place. As he wheeled me in, I looked around feeling on edge. Every time we left home I was always feeling like there was something looming over me, an oppressive shadow of cold anger and nothingness. I didn`t quite remember when it started. “Alright, I`ll leave you near the tank, and get dressed. No getting into trouble Pattycakes okay?” I nodded, and gave him a smile as he walked off with his clothes. Grabbing my phone from the bag I went onto twitter. “At the pool. High hopes.” I smiled at the text before sending it. “Oh my god is that Patrick?” I heard a girl say. Looking over I saw a few teens sitting in the corner of the room. One of them was putting on a leg prosthetic. I took off the break of my chair, wheeling over. “Oh my god it is!” One of the girls whispered. I waved. “Hi!” The girls smiled. I wanted to ask how they were, interact… I pulled out my phone, opening a notepad.

      “Hey! Um, sorry, I can`t really talk anymore.” They seemed puzzled, but read it, nodding. “Oh.. We`re sorry..” The girl hugged me, and the guy nodded, the others biting their lips. “I`m fine! I mean, I`m here to try to get used to walking again!” “That`s good!” The guy nodded, and gestured to his leg. “Same actually.” I nodded, and held a thumbs up. “Patrick there you are!” I turned, waving to Pete. “ What are you doing over here?” I gestured to the teens, and Pete waved. “Hey.” The teens smiled, waving. Pete sat and talked to them for a bit while I typed up responses. After awhile the teens got up a helped their friend get up and began their therapy. As the teens walked away I felt the cold feeling again. “Ready Pattycakes?” I took a deep breath, nodding. Yeah, I had be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys made a poll. please go check it out it`ll be open for a little bit as I`ll forget I have it. http://www.easypolls.net/poll.html?p=58aa7051e4b0c90e576b0969


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